Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Drogan's Encyclopedia - We Ain't Wikipedia
| Born | Sandy Cortez |
| October 13, 1989 | |
| Bronx, NY, US | |
| Political Party | Socialist Actors of America |
Sandy Cortez (born October 13, 1989), known by her stage name, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, is an actress who portrays a congresswoman in the United States House of Representatives. She hasn't quite perfected the Latin accent, as it appears to come and go depending on her audience and whether or not a camera crew is present.
Her credentials include a double-major in economics and international relations from Boston University. However, considering this information comes Wikipedia without a reference to an official source, this fact is disputed by anyone will a fully-functioning cerebral cortex.
Her credentials include working as a waitress and a bartender prior to being elected to Congress.
Early Life
Although Sandy claims she grew up in extreme poverty without running water and indoor plumbing, she actual grew up in a fairly affluent middle-class community. However, claiming to be middle-class doesn't give street cred to a rabid socialist.
According to Wikipedia (without a footnote or references), Sandy graduated from Boston University cum laude. While that may be in dispute because of the lack of actual documentation of the event, there is little doubt that her only experience in the workforce prior to Congress is in the service arts industry.
Audition for Congress
Cenk Uygur the slovenly host of the virtually unknown internet "news" show called The Young Turks. The adjective "young" seems to be misapplied here since Cenk is old enough to get the senior citizens discount at most major culinary establishments in the United States. Nonetheless, Cenk promoted a group he would affectionately dub, "The Justice Democrats."
Sandy won the audition and Cenk appointed her to run for the New York's 14th district. Although she doesn't live or even have an office in the district, it doesn't matter since she is, apparently, immune from criticism or questioning of intention.
Sandy won the election and has joined the other female socialist windbags in Congress, all of whom refer to themselves as the "squad." The irony is that the group doesn't realize that the term squad is derogatory, as they wear it as a badge of honor.
The other members of the squad include Representative Ilhan Omar, famously known for marrying her brother to commit immigration fraud. Omar has also been caught funneling hundreds of thousands of dollars in campaign contributions to her boyfriend. Joining Sandy and Ilhan is Rashida Tlaib, who manages to drop an f-bomb into just about ever speech she's ever made. The final member of the squad is Ayanna Pressley, who has a world record for the longest facial scowl in record history (11 months, 27 days, 3.23 hours).
In Office - Drama Llama
AOC's reign of error as the congresswoman includes staring at an empty parking lot while pretending to be crying about the mistreatment of illegal immigrants trespassing across the southern border
Unfortunately for her, the photographs show that she was crying about the mistreatment of an empty road or something.
Continuing Victimhood
Despite making a salary many times that of a lower middle-class income plus benefits (estimated to be in excess of $200,000 per year), she claims that she is barely scraping by. She can only afford an $80,000 Telsa and a luxury apartment with her wages. She claims that members of Congress should have their salaries increased a significant amount. Some have pointed out that she simply needs to give her boyfriend a job working for her campaign and pay him $250,000 a year; an act successfully carried out by her fellow squad member, Ilhan Omar.
The Green New Deal
Sandy's staff created a draft of a policy called, "The Green New Deal." This bill would cost American taxpayers approximately $75,000,000,000,000 dollars. Contrary to widely-held beliefs by conservative lawmakers, this will actually reduce emissions. It would guarantee that America, as a nation, would collapse like the Ancient Rome and every citizen would be too poor to afford automobiles, air condition, electricity or anything else that allows the American economy to produce wealth.
The net effect would make America a third world country and guarantee that China would be the world's lone superpower. For socialist elites like the squad, this is ideal because China is the type of government they actually want. However, the Chinese government has little tolerance for their progressive ideas and they would be likely end up in their secret internment camps.
Over-Inflated Sense of Self-Worth
Sandy visited Florida in the middle of the COVID-19 panic. Florida, which had no mask mandate, was an odd choice for Sandy since she took every opportunity to take pictures and to be seen in public with her mask front and center. When people decided to poke fun at the situation, she made a bold statement that all men fantasize about her. While no one is quite sure what makes her think she is so attractive, she consistently scores low on the 1-10 scale. Nonetheless, she showed extreme maturity and courage by using insults that would be the norm for a 5th grader during recess.
She was responded to appropriately by people on the other side of the aisle.
