Ron Klain
Drogan's Encyclopedia - We Ain't Wikipedia
| Born | Ronald Alan Klain | |
| August 8, 1961 | ||
| Indianapolis, Indiana, US | ||
| Known for | Current President | |
| Assumed Office | January 20, 2021 | |
Ronald Alan Klain (born August 8, 1961) is the current president of the United States of America He was formerly the acting vice president under the Barack Obama. Klain rarely speaks in public but frequently makes appearances on state TV network MSNBC. When public speeches are to be made, he puts up the puppet mouthpiece Joe Biden. Joe Biden's main job is the teleprompter reader. Unfortunately for Klain, Biden makes far too many public appearances when he goes off script and makes false statements born out of dementia or the fact that Joe Biden has had issues with facts for his entire career.
Klain frequently needs to coordinate with the fact checkers to do damage control so that the Biden Blunders™ are either hidden or spun so that Biden doesn't look like a complete imbecile.
Education
Klain graduated magna cum laude from Harvard University with a Juris Doctor degree. Although this achievement may seem like a huge honor and the result of an extraordinary effort, the fact that Wikipedia lists all mainstream Democrat politicians and progressive journalists as having graduated magna cum laude suggests that something other than effort procures this type of award.
U.S. Senate Committee on the Judiciary
Klain's first job was serving as chief counsel the U.S. Senate Committee on the Judiciary. Klain had heavy influence during the Clarence Thomas Supreme Court nomination. According to sources, Klain originated the phrase "is that a **REDACTED** hair on my Coke?" The same sources claim that was also Klain's preferred opening line when approaching female freshman students.
Clinton Administration
Since Klain was one of the few people that wasn't scared of Janet Reno, he served as her chief of staff. He moved on to become the chief of staff for Al Gore after Reno suggested he should be her sparring partner during her boxing workouts.
Al Gore Campaign
Klain was responsible for trying to get the 2000 election to sway in Al Gore's favor. While not the primary counsel for Gore, many postulated that Klain's helpfulness and preparedness was less than the average defendant on The People's Court.
Fannie Mae
Klain was a lobbyist for Fannie Mae through somewhere in 2005. Reports claim that Klain was instrumental in the 2008 housing crisis caused by the collapse of Fannie Mae so that it could be blamed on the Bush Administration, and aid the election of Barack Obama. However, most believe that this isn't possible since Klain only accepted a high-six figure paycheck but did no real, actual work.
Obama Administration
Klain served as chief of staff for Joe Biden. One of the key parts of this job was to assist Biden in influence peddling schemes throughout the world.
Despite not knowing anything about Ebola, or heath in general, Klain became the Ebola czar for the Obama administration. The Ebola outbreak proved to be minimal, but if it were to become a severe threat, Klain would certainly use his background in law and politics to do... something.
President of the United States
Many claim that Joe Biden is the actual president, and that is certainly what the office position of the White House and government agencies. However, despite this claim, Biden's official duty is to read the teleprompter, a job for which he appears to be infinitely unqualified. Biden also occasionally eats ice cream and makes up words. Klain, on the other hand, handles all of the executive orders and controls the agenda and the narrative.
Biden has no input on anything, and frequently mentions he will get in trouble if he gets out of line. Klain is instrumental in most of Biden's discipline, and Klain is consistently let down by Biden's inability to do almost anything.
In October 2022, Klain was warned that he has violated the Hatch act by actively campaigning where he is prohibited by law. This action is seen as questionable since the Hatch act allows the President and the Vice President to actively campaign.